The Introverted Gamer

There has been a lot of stuff buzzing around my webisphere lately about how to deal with introverts. Honestly, it seems to be popping up enough that I'm starting to feel like introversion is becoming a new trend, like twerking, or fake gluten intolerance.

I am both an introvert, and a gamer, which can make for an odd mix. Tabletop gaming is an inherently social activity, and for someone like me who relies on alone time to recharge, this can be problematic. My introvert self and gamer self have been butting up against each other a lot since the wedding. The wife and I registered for and received several board games as gifts that we've had our eye on for some time. We also came to realize that we have many people in our lives that we don't see often enough. In order to make use of our new games, and to spend more time with friends, we've started organizing regular game nights.

And that's when my brain started overloading.

See, as an introvert, I can only take a certain amount of scheduled social time. Even knowing that I have upcoming events on my calendar is enough to cause some degree of anxiety. If I find myself facing a weekend with three or more social obligations, there is a strong chance that I will short circuit before attending anything and just curl up on the couch. I don't even need to encounter the crowds to feel overloaded, just the thought is enough.

This is problematic, because the gamer in me is really excited to have a lot of free time and new games. I've started planning my next D&D campaign. I really want to have my players over to discuss some basic character advancement and game maintenance stuff. I want to go to friends' game nights. I want to get back to running Spirit of the Century. But as my schedule fills with other end of summer social events, my gaming self is forced to go into energy save mode just to maintain a sense of sanity.

On a certain level, it's funny, but it is also challenging, especially because the wife is both very extroverted and very much a planner. She likes to go to karaoke every Friday, and has started penciling in game nights for friends we haven't seen. When summer weddings, reunions and barbecues get added to the mix, I find myself wondering, on the edge of complete shutdown, when am I going to get a chance to just sit? Maybe paint some minis, or play some Skyrim?

The Wife is very aware of and understanding of my introversion, but it does mean that I need to actively bow out of jointly booked events from time to time. One of the wonderful things about our relationship is that we are okay doing our own separate things when one of us needs to socialize or rest. Unfortunately, sometimes its hard to tell when I am going to reach my lock-down point, and there have been a couple occasions lately where I've found myself in an otherwise "fun" situation feeling suddenly miserable and on the verge of panic? crying? screaming? running out the door? jumping through the window? curling up fetal? Don't get me wrong, I am doing something I like to do in these situations, but the surrounding stress and volume of events have turned fun into a chore.

So, if you are someone I hang out with IRL, and you have noticed me in a seemingly grumpy, borderline catatonic mood lately, I'm probably just suffering from social overload. I'm not trying to be a jerk, or the enemy of fun. I really just need some quiet, a snack, and maybe a book.

K is for KILL ALL THE THINGS!

Have you ever thought about just how violent video games, and tabletop roleplaying games are? I mean, reeeally thought about it? Movies can be bad, but the body count for even a particularly bloody action film pales in comparison to many games. Robocop 2, for example, which was the bloodiest movie of 1990, had a total body count of 79 people. You could easily match that playing through a fraction of the sidequests in Skyrim, or even the Fable games. Why is it that fantasy roleplaying games are so focused on the killing?

Is this truly an ingrained notion of what it means to be a hero? Granted, every knight in shining armor had a sword, and battle was a major component of their legends. Read the Song of Roland sometime. It’s actually like an absurd predecessor to the action movie genre. The knights even utter catch-phrases before smiting their foes. The battles described in stories like the Song of Roland talk about casualties in the hundreds and thousands, though they do not describe or show each in as much detail as typically takes place in a tabletop RPG or videogame.

They see me Roland... they hatin'

Is this fantasy bloodsport necessarily a bad thing? Many of the adversaries in RPGs are not people. The heroes fight monsters, which are the very embodiment of badness. Though they may look human, it is not difficult to justify slaying vast hordes of vampires, zombies and ghouls. Even when the antagonists are people, there is an element of detachment imposed by the fantastic nature of the game. The presence and possibility of magic and monsters makes the violence feel less real, more palatable than in other genres with settings more similar to reality (the Modern Warfare or Grand Theft Auto games, for example) It’s just a story, and makes the players feel excited and heroic without putting anyone in danger. Still, when the opponents are human, I can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable (and yet, I find myself using human antagonists more than faceless monsters.) Killing without consequence just doesn’t feel right, regardless of how fantastic a context it is set in.

So, as a GM, how can you go about inserting some consequence to the killing? You could go the horror genre route and have each grisly experience slowly whittle away at the heroes’ sanity, slowly, inexorably making them no worse than the villains. You could also go the way of the Western, and have the relatives of the dead seek vengeance against the heroes, or have the heroes’ reputation as ruthless killers spread through the countryside. Some would praise them, while others shun them, and still others seek them out to challenge their mettle. You could even go the crime drama route and force them to adhere to the law of the land. If they operate as part of a legitimate law enforcement agency, excessive bloodshed could land them in ever hotter water with the chief. If they operate outside the law, it could lead to conflict with the local constabulary.

Anyway, my mind is a bit scattered and has been chewing on this topic free-form style for the past day or so. The whirling reflections are driven to ever greater whirlitude by my ongoing playthrough of Skyrim and my recent viewing of the Hunger Games.

Dave pauses atop the pile of corpses to think, "Do I like my job?"